When people in movies run directly away from the train / boulder / truck / etc instead of just like, taking two steps to the side of it
OH NO A GIGANTIC TREE FALLING OVER *runs away directly along its length*
Bucky knows what’s up
you’re my mission
Fan fiction is what literature might look like if it were reinvented from scratch after a nuclear apocalypse by a band of brilliant pop-culture junkies trapped in a sealed bunker. They don’t do it for money. That’s not what it’s about. The writers write it and put it up online just for the satisfaction. They’re fans, but they’re not silent, couchbound consumers of media. The culture talks to them, and they talk back to the culture in its own language.
captain america stuff! (theoretically. i didn’t have any references with me so please forgive weird faces.)
i have this AU idea (because this is me so of course it’s AU). basically:
(do i even need to say? HERE BE SPOILERS.)
what if: when captain america was found in the ice, it was HYDRA moles who got their hands on him and the entire thing was kept hush-hush to the world. they basically tried to do to him what they did to Bucky Barnes: brainwash and reprogram him. they think they succeed and start to send him on missions, but even though he always does what they ask him to, he always ends up wandering, too. marveling at the world and feeling things, because no matter what HYDRA does they can’t destroy that part of him.
some genius in HYDRA decides to send him on a mission with the winter soldier (to keep him on task because the winter soldier is indeed the perfect soldier — also HYDRA takes perverse pleasure in reuniting Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes like that). even though neither of them can remember themselves or each other, they start to pull at each other and things (or the very beginning of things, at least) start to fall into place — and they sort of realize what’s been (is being) done to them by HYDRA.
so they don’t go back. they go on the run. they don’t remember their names, so they go by Beta and Rho because that was HYDRA’s code for them, and because they are both fucking badass HYDRA can’t catch them again.
along the way they help fix each other. they don’t remember who they were (only pieces here and there), but they find out who they are.
and things are epic and kinda really gay and they start getting back at HYDRA and become heroes and shit.
wooh, word barf, there you have it.
Anonymous asked: Why does Chris Evans always grab his left boob when he laughs?
Hello, anon, and thank you for the question.
This topic has been studied by by researchers for years. There are three prevailing theories that I will relay to you now.
1. It keeps him on the ground.
You may notice in the gif above that Chris’ leg starts to rise as he laughs, possibly a precursor to his entire body undergoing a sort of lift off due to his joy. Chris then employs his upper body strength to force himself to obey the laws of gravity.
2. To check on his physique.
As you may be aware, anon, it takes a lot of hard work to maintain a superhero body. Chris is concerned that in the time he has spent sitting down, sans working out or eating, he has lost muscle mass. Understandably, he feels the need to make sure that he is still a specimen.
3. Object permanence.
Object permanence is a term applied to the understanding that an object still exists even when you cannot see it. Chris closes his eyes when he laughs, making him unable to see that he has not disappeared. By grabbing his left boob, Chris knows that he has not somehow ceased to exist.
I hope this helps.
Scare the world: Be exactly who you say you are and tell the truth.
Not to mention the whole damn town gets cursed
he doesn’t just DIE, he’s lynched because the Gaston-equivalent sees them together and the whole town is horribly racist and that’s why she starts killing people
I WILL DEFEND THESE TWO TO THE GRAVE
i was watching the first avenger and wondering how Bucky knew Steve was getting his ass kicked in the back of some random alley behind a movie theatre
like does he just check alleyways whenever he’s walking down a street to see if Steve’s started another fight he can’t finish
the answer is probably yes
headcanon that, even when brainwashed, Bucky still stops at alleyways and looks down them to find nothing
and he never knows what he’s looking for